Dating in 2025 feels like trying to win a game where no one’s reading the rules — and now, there’s a new term to add to your relationship vocabulary: “Cookie jarring.”
No, it’s not sweet. And if you’re in one of these relationships, you might just be the cookie.
What is Cookie Jarring? It’s when someone keeps you around just in case their other romantic options don’t pan out. You’re not the main course — you’re the backup snack. And with dating apps making it easy to have dozens of options at your fingertips, more people are “cookie jarring” without even realizing it’s a toxic move.
So how do you know if it’s happening to you? Here are the signs to look out for:
👉 They never fully commit to plans If your situationship always hits you with the “maybe” or “we’ll see,” that’s a red flag.
👉 You’re the one doing all the work If you’re always texting first, planning hangouts, and trying to define the relationship while they just… vibe? You might be in the jar.
👉 They’re slow to respond or emotionally MIA When someone’s attention is split between you and others, you’ll feel it. Delayed replies and emotional distance are classic indicators.
👉 You’ve never met their friends or been posted If you feel like a secret, you probably are. A person who’s all-in will want to show you off, not keep you hidden like a backup dessert.
👉 They avoid future talk If any convo about “what are we?” gets dodged, that probably means you may not be the only one they’re dating — just the one they might fall back on.
Here’s the twist: Not all “pocketing” or cookie jarring comes from a bad place. Experts say it could stem from fear, past heartbreak, or just not being ready for something serious yet. But that doesn’t mean you should settle for uncertainty.
Bottom line: If you’re feeling like a backup plan — trust your gut. You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not their fallback.